Laman, Lemuel, and Me

This morning, I had an interesting experience. I was reading about Corrie Ten Boom's account of forgiving a prison guard:

She was in Germany, speaking about forgiveness, knowing that the only way to heal after all they had been through was through forgiveness. As she spoke, she saw, at the back of the room, a man whom she recognized as a prison guard from the camp where she had been for so long, the camp where her dear sister Betsie had died.

After the speech, he made his way toward her. He did not recognize her. He introduced himself and told her that he had become a Christian. He told her he knew that God had forgiven him, but he asked for her forgiveness. He stretched out his hand to shake hers.

She stalled by fumbling in her purse. She knew it was God's law to forgive. She knew that she needed to forgive him for her own healing. But she just couldn't. Finally, she prayed, "I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling." She slowly lifted her hand to take his. As she did, the Spirit of love and forgiveness filled her and she forgave him. 

The Lord had given her what she couldn't muster on her own.

As I read this story that I've read many times before, I had a thought that I now realize I have had many times before. It was this: I love this story. But God wouldn't do that for me.

This time when I had that thought, though, it was immediately followed by a scripture from the Book of Mormon. 

When Lehi told his sons about his vision of the tree of life, Nephi went immediately and prayed to understand. He was given a vision, too, teaching him the meaning of the vision. His brothers, Laman and Lemuel, did no such thing. When Nephi found them arguing about the meaning of the dream, he asked them, "Have ye inquired of the Lord?" They responded (and this is the part that jumped into my mind), "We have not; for the Lord maketh no such thing know unto us." 

Ugh. No reader of the Book of Mormon wants to be like Laman and Lemuel. We often read their words and scoff. What jerks. Why are they so dumb? Yet, here I am, being a jerk, being so dumb. Of course the Lord can and will work miracles in my life. Of course He has. He hasn't performed this particular miracle in my life yet, but I have also never had to forgive something like she had to forgive. Not that the things I have to forgive are easy. They are not. But maybe Heavenly Father wants me to have a different experience from Ms. Ten Boom's. Maybe I have things to learn that she didn't. Or maybe I am not humble enough. 

But when I say that the Lord won't do something, that He maketh no such thing known unto me, I am not letting Him. When I believe that He won't work miracles in my life, I am taking that from Him. I mean, He is God. He can do what He wants. But if I have already decided that He isn't working in my behalf, I can't see it when He does.

So, what did I learn today?

1. Forgive. If Corrie Ten Boom wasn't exempted, I am certainly not exempted. Forgive. The Lord will help.

2. Believe that the Lord will help. Because He will. Not always in the way I want, and not always in a huge, showy way. But He will help. And if I believe it, and am looking for it, I will recognize it.

3. I have a lot to learn from Laman and Lemuel about myself.

4. Don't listen to those voices that try to convince you to give up or that the Lord isn't on your side. They are not speaking truth. Recognize them and shut them down. The next time I hear God won't do that for me, I will respond with I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.