That He May Know

I have had a really hard couple of weeks. I have been taking some supplements to help with Lyme, but I ran out and there was a problem getting more. (More is on the way, though! Finally.) On top of that, hormone levels really affect my Lyme symptoms and, well, let's just say it has been horrible this week. I will be very vulnerable and admit that most of the worst Lyme symptoms come in the form of psychological hell. There's no other word.

This morning, while praying and expressing gratitude for my Savior, I had the thought: Does Christ know what it feels like to have Lyme disease? It was one of those thoughts that was more of a prompting than anything. So, I honestly answered the question. In my mind, I believe that He does. In my heart, I wonder. Does He know what it feels like to not have the energy to do what needs to be done? To be so tired that He can't even talk? Does He know what it feels like to feel like He is missing out on life? Does He know what it feels like to remember being smart, but feeling like that is long gone? To not even be able to read much more than a picture book? To not be able to think? To feel disconnected from family, friends, and even God? Does He know what it feels like to have His brain be His enemy and not know if His brain is lying or if these things are really horrible premonitions? Does He know how it feels to try so hard to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy and fail? How could He know?

Some of those things I mentioned are actually part of His story. The scriptures tell us that He was, in fact, disconnected from his family, friends, and, for a time, even God the Father. Yes. He certainly knows how that feels. More than I do, undoubtedly. But the rest has to be taken on faith. I pulled out my scriptures and did a little digging. One of my favorite scriptures about Christ's Atonement is found in the Book of Mormon, in Alma 7. Alma is teaching about the Messiah who would come. He teaches about His Atonement. My answer came in verses 11 and 12:

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people... and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."

I decided to look up the word "infirmity" in the Webster's 1828 dictionary to see if that would give me deeper understanding. Indeed it did:

INFIRMITY, noun inferm'ity. [Latin infirmitas.]1. An unsound or unhealthy state of the body; weakness; feebleness. 2. Weakness of mind; failing; fault; foible.3. Weakness of resolution.4. Any particular disease; malady; applied rather to chronic, than to violent diseases.5. Defect; imperfection; weakness. 

I was overwhelmed. The answer to every question was there. Yes. He knows how it feels to be unhealthy, to be weak, to experience weakness of mind, and even how it feels to suffer from chronic disease. He knows! It's there in my scriptures! I don't completely understand it. But, I do believe in my mind and in my heart that He somehow literally felt exactly how I feel. He somehow experienced me in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross. He took upon Himself my sins and my sorrows and my infirmities. According to Alma, He did so in order to know how to succor me. Webster's 1828 dictionary to the rescue again:

SUC'COR, verb transitive [Latin succurro; sub and curro, to run.]Literally, to run to, or run to support; hence, to help or relieve when in difficulty, want or distress; to assist and deliver from suffering; as, to succor a besieged city; to succor prisoners.

He not only experienced me, but He runs to me. He supports, helps, and relieves me. I just need to turn to Him. He may or may not heal me. But He will not leave me. Because He knows how I feel. He feels compassion toward me. He is empathy.

I am so grateful for the question I was prompted to ask and answer and search out. Just knowing and remembering who He is and what He has done for me gives me strength. It strengthens my faith and trust in Him, and I can call upon Him when I feel alone or afraid. My heart is at peace.